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We are often criticized for shortcomings, and we strive to get rid of them, because we want to get even more attention, love, respect. But it turns out that with the eradication of the shortcomings, individuality is lost. And now we already hear from those who had previously criticized us: “Previously, you were much more interesting (more charismatic, more attractive)” ”. We are overwhelmed by righteous anger: “Didn’t you point to me and convinced me to get rid of them?” Why is this happening?

The answer to this question is simple: our disadvantages give rise to advantages. They give us attractive imperfection and change life for the better.

1. Selfishness or the ability to wish

Living for yourself means to be an example of how not to waste your life. Egoists are not aware of attention, despite the accusations that it is difficult to communicate with them and build relationships. A selfish person attracts what knows what he wants. He does not doubt his desires and seeks to realize them.

Many people feel guilty for their desires. Since childhood, they are accustomed to what they say about their desires: “This is not the main thing now”, “there are more important things”, “there is such a word-“ it is necessary ”… as a result, it is easier for them to achieve something for others

than for themselves. And they also communicate with the egoists with pleasure: they have forgotten how to wish, and the selfish can do it.

Imagine a man who knows exactly what he wants. Interested in a woman, he will express his “want” without delay. This attracts more women than attempts to make a favorable impression. Healthy egoism paints life with bright colors full of desires.

2. Arrogance or ability to appreciate yourself highly

To be arrogant means to measure yourself high. Arrogance is characteristic of people who occupy a high position. So they outline the boundaries and choose a circle of communication. Therefore, when we meet someone who behaves arrogantly, the perception scheme works like this: if a person so clearly demonstrates superiority, he most likely has reason.

Arrogance is supported by the internal state. If you really value yourself and are convinced of uniqueness, this is a sign for others to think the same way.

3. Indifference to someone else’s opinion or self -confidence

Self -confidence is a consequence, and the root cause is that you do not matter the opinion of others about you. Most miss the chances of victory and success for a simple reason: we are not indifferent to what others say about us.

Suppose two employees developed projects: controversial, ambiguous, brilliant. At the same time, one began to ask the opinion of authoritative colleagues. It was criticized: they said that there are few chances, the project is too controversial and it is unlikely that something would work out. His hands dropped, and he did not begin to present his brainchild.

His colleague did not ask someone else’s opinion. He presented the project with success. Many supporters and opponents gathered around the project, but no one remained indifferent. Which of them is pretty? The one who listened to someone else’s opinion and was disappointed in his idea, or the one who remained faithful to himself and achieved recognition?

4. Ambitiousness or the ability to admit that you deserve the best

It is difficult to imagine a leader without ambitions. The desire to take a leading position is a sign of ambitiousness. People are divided into those who hide ambitions, and those who demonstrate them.

One woman dreamed of raising. She did a job well, but tried not to show interest when the boss started a conversation about the desired position. She was afraid to seem immodest and be in a stupid position if everyone knows about her ambitions, and someone else would get the position. But the leader interpreted her behavior in his own way. He considered that she was satisfied with the current position and she did not seek to increase, and made a choice in favor of a less qualified, but more active candidate.

It is not common for others to guess our secret desires, they tend to believe the facts and what is said aloud. Undisguised ambitions – assistants in movement to success.

5. Self -love or the ability to love yourself as you are

Imagine a girl who likes himself, admires herself, cares for her body. Trying on the dress, he will never say: “I am fat” or “I have a bad figure”, but rather notes that the dress is sitting badly because it is incorrectly captured or it has an unsuccessful style.

Now imagine another girl, objectively more attractive than the first, who constantly finds shortcomings and finds fault. For men’s eyes, the first picture is more pleasant. When the girl is satisfied with herself, she leaves no chance to think about her imperfection.

How gender identity arises? What makes the child a boy or girl? Psychoanalyst Serge Ephez reflects on female and male and protects a new gender order.

Serge Hefez, psychotherapist, author of the New Nouvel Ordre Sexuel, Pourquoi Devvent-on Fille Garçon?”, Kero, 2012).

Psychologies: You claim that the male or female gender is not determined at birth. Can you explain this?

Serge Ephesus: Despite our biological gender, we are not born a girl or boy, but we become them. From birth, we are bombarded with the requirements that our gender indicate us. Paul and gender coincide when, in addition to the penis, a man has male identification, as well as a manner of living in his body and mind, which correspond to those characteristics that culture indicates as male. From the point of view of psychoanalysis, children are attributed to the gender before they understand the difference between the sexes. It is known that we carry and feed children, and also talk to them differently, depending on whether they are boys or girls. By one and a half to two years, children understand that they have the genitals, and establish their connection with what others expect from them. Until 4-5 years, this understanding remains unstable: the boys still think that their penis can fall off, and the girls, that it can grow up.

So, when educating children, they act, accustoming them to be a boy or girl?

WITH. E.: Moreover, in boys their so -called female part is amputated, and in girls – the so -called male part. According to Freud, our personality is built around the poles: passivity/activity;Mergers/separation. On the one hand, the child enjoys complete passivity in the hands of parents. On the other hand, he takes action on the department: refuses, repels, rejects, goes into the world around him. All children keep these two movements in themselves. Their environment subsequently interprets these positions as courageous or feminine and directs the child to the position that corresponds to its biological sex. The boy is pushed to independence rather in actions than in emotions;The girl is encouraged to be obedient, subordinate, to pay attention to the desires of other people. Everyone loses universality, closes in his gender and interlies these unconscious and cultural ideas about the courageous and feminine.

For thirty years of your career, psychoanalyst has noticed whether you have noticed a change in the perception of the sexes?

WITH. E.: Yes, in a conscious and unconscious plan, the vice is gradually unclenched. Young people grew up in a mixed atmosphere, with the idea that male and female are not two closed and incompatible universes. For girls, the change is clearly noticeable: they are encouraged to be independent and appropriating their active part, so their mental and concrete fate is not at all like the fate of their grandmothers. In turn, most boys no longer believe that feminine means second -rate, unclean or dangerous. https://binishtayehqatar.com/2023/08/24/rexogin-alpha-pharma-fake/ They are also much less afraid of their own femininity. By the way, some go to homosexual experiments – to try – and this does not question their confidence that they are a man or woman. Past generations did not allow themselves to. Or experienced shame on this occasion. Also, young people more flexibly perceive the dichotomy of Mother Schlyuh, which has always been strong in the unconscious. The gaze of men at women has changed;In order to afford to have fun, men are not so need to humiliate women. And women move from one role to another with more freedom. Everyone looks at what is in it from the opposite sex, kindly, and not with embarrassment or disgust, and no longer tries to get rid of it.

Edipov complex is outdated?

“He is experienced less caricatured,” the psychoanalyst Sergei Ephez believes. – The task of the psychotherapists is not to protect dogmas, but to make the initial concepts less strict and allow our patients to soften their internal conflicts and fully realize their potential, not feeling that the norm on them is crushing ”. Some psychoanalysts are pessimistic and believe that men and women no longer fulfill their role as father and mother. Therefore, children no longer understand what a man or woman is, and plunge into confusion. I do not think so. Today our gaze is changing, we consider the gender not as a binary choice, but as a continuum. This is what the eastern philosophy of Yin and Yang tells us, recognizing these two inseparable entities that live in each of us. Each of us has two poles, male and female, between which we are moving “.

Do men and women wish each other just as before?

WITH. E.: Certainly! Over the past 30 years, all public opinion polls show that men and women attract each other more and more, maintain rich and harmonious sexual relations. Areas of sexual games are more open than before, everyone knows the body of his partner better, and we all realize himself better. Those who scream about the society of hermaphrodites, devoid of desire, are actually afraid of only one thing: the disappearance of the Patriarchate. Behind this fear, which men most often express, hides the fear of their own feminization, horror of passivity, the loss of their potency.

Daughters 4 months. And all 4 months of motherhood, I suffer – first difficulties with breastfeeding, then terrible depression and fear that the child is malfunction. I don’t understand and do not feel when she is hungry or tired. The daughter often

cries, we have problems with sleep. Sometimes anger rolled over to myself for missing a lot, sometimes angry at the child when she is capricious. I feel terrible, I look too, there is no desire to deal with my daughter. So it turns out that she is unloved. But I try to love, take care of her and still do not feel joy. It seems that my daughter is a hindrance for me. But in fact, this is not so, I was waiting for her very much. Can I really love my daughter?

Victoria, 30 years old

Victoria, of course, childbirth is a natural process, but modern life dictates its own rules. And the level of stress in which we are constantly creates additional stress. There is such a thing as postpartum depression. Experts have found that non -treasured episodes of postpartum depression are found in almost half of women on maternity leave. And more than 10% experience severe or average severity of the form of the disease. And only 3-4% turn for help and receive it in full.

We have an idealized idea of a woman after childbirth, maternal instinct and other wisdom. The perfect mother is surely happy, glows with love. The perfect child eats well and sleeps on the schedule spelled out in books. But the realities of life are completely different. The problems that you have described – sleepless nights, crazy loads, related around the clock with the fears and anxiety of a young mother – leave an imprint on your condition.

A child who has colic, who has teeth cut, irregular sleep and chair, is not at all like an ideal baby. So, he can cause feelings of a variety of. When your daughter screams and you no longer know how to calm her, anger, anger, and despair appear. These feelings are also yours and are also important and natural. We must learn to recognize them and accept them.